I don't need to be the hero tonight.

"This is my new dawn

My yesterdays have come and gone

Walked in the dark too long

This is my new, this is my new dawn"

As I sit here, waiting for my friend to text me to say where we are going for dinner (either the cafeteria - called the Rot - or the school's cafe), I am downloading music via a youtube video converter (limewire does not function on the school's network). I was listening to one of the songs I chose to download - I'm looking for Christian worship music so I have something to listen to at my friend's house over break (her parents are more strict than mine and I don't want to be offensive) - and one of the lines stood out to me, since it went along with something I had been thinking about earlier. The rest of the song is completely irrelevant, but this line just stood out.

I don't need to be the hero tonight.

My problem? I'm always trying to be the hero. It's like I have to protect everyone who comes into my life, no matter what cost that might mean for me. In fact, wanting to protect everyone, despite the fact that I clearly could not, was the reason why I spiraled downhill so far last year - why I ended up needed help instead of giving it. The thing is, sometimes you just can't help everyone, even if you would want to - especially if they live over 600 miles away.

But I need someone to take care of. If I don't have that, I feel lost, out of place, and essentially useless. I have to help people. It's in my mindset - a part of my personality. But that doesn't mean I always have to be the hero.

The moral of the story? Don't sacrifice yourself for the rest of the world. That doesn't mean that you should be selfish and ignore the needs of others. It means that you should recognize the fact that you have needs too and, just as with everyone else, those needs are important. And if you aren't taking good care of yourself, how can you take care of others? Jesus Christ did say to remove the plank in your own eye before removing the speck of sawdust from your bother's eye.

And there's my philosophical moment of the day. I hope you enjoyed it.