A note concerning the statement that men should never hit women.

Twice last week I had presented to me the idea that a man should never hit a woman for any reason. The first was in a form of an image that simply presented the statement. The second time was during a conversation with a very good friend of mine. I never really knew that this was a statement I felt so strongly about until that conversation, and in this I would like to refute it. During this process I will quote my friend several times, as he is the one who brought up the points that I would like to discuss.

I want to begin by saying that, if someone hits you, whether they are male or female, you have the right to defend yourself. If they are going to hit you again, then hit back. Just because someone is a woman does not mean that you cannot defend yourself against her. When I posed this to my friend, I was given the response,

"And no I will take a beating from a woman before I swing. Not saying it wouldn't hurt, but my mom and dad raised me with manners, which is something that few people have now days."

I want to point something out. Manners refers to customs or a way of living. Saying please and thank you is, in our society, manners. Taking a beating is not. When someone hits you and intends to continue hitting you, manners do not dictate that you continue to take a beating and possibly suffer serious injury. That, simply put, is stupidity.

My second argument against the idea that men should never hit women is that it is sexist. Yes, I know that card has been played before, but I have a different take on it than some people do. I believe that it is sexist in favor of women, not against them. I believe that using this statement is a way for people to elevate the female sex above men. Why? Because it is an enabling statement. Look at it this way. If we turned the statement that men should never hit women into a rule that we had to live by, what would happen? Women could hit men as much as they wanted and the man would not be allowed to hit back. Essentially, we could do what we wanted without fear of being physically reprimanded. Men would not have that protection. Now, this is most likely not going to happen, but if this statement were put into law, then what would be to stop it from turning into a situation like this? In short, it enables women to push men around more than they already do.

Of course, I also see it as sexist against women, because I believe that it does promote a certain sense of inequality because it suggests that women are somehow more delicate, weaker than, or deserve different treatment than men. We will never be completely equal because of our physical differences, but that does not mean that we should have values that demand that men treat women better than they treat other men.

Near the beginning of the conversation, my friend made this statement:

"(not trying to be sexists) but I don't hit women. That's the right way and the way I was raised, actually since birth. And I wouldn't wanna be raised any other way. mom and dad did a good job at raising me."

Apart from the atrocious grammar and spelling, I can point out a significant mistake in this statement. Refusing to hit women is not the right way. I'm not saying it's the wrong way, either, but there is no right way, whether it was the way you were raised or not. Since we're talking about what I think here, I will say that it is both the wrong and the right way. Should you hit a woman for a reason other than self defense? No. That's not acceptable. Should you hit a woman if she is throwing punches, running at you with a knife, or otherwise threatening your well being? Yes! Getting seriously injured just because you won't hit a woman is stupid.

I want to make one final point concerning this statement. Unless it's in self defense or to protect someone else, you should never hit anyone. Not women. Not men. Not children. Not adults. Hitting is not okay. Ever. Women aren't the only ones men shouldn't be hitting. Men shouldn't be hitting each other. Men shouldn't hit children. How come those statements aren't running around along with "men should never hit women"? Where is the statement that says women should never hit men?

This statement is flawed, wrong, medieval, and no longer relevant to society today. No, men shouldn't run around hitting women. This is true. But you should defend yourself if attacked by a person, not let yourself get hurt because the person is female. Nor should women hit men, because that is equally unacceptable. Women have been victimized by men throughout history, but there are also men who have been victimized by women. We're not equal. We never will be. But that doesn't mean we need to continue to hang onto such an unequal, narrow-minded, foolish statement.

We are all human. Humans should never hit humans.

Accepting less than we deserve.

When it comes to love I tend to believe that you don't necessarily deserve any specific type of person. You don't deserve someone amazing just because you're a good person who does good things, and you don't deserve someone less than amazing because you have a hard life or get into trouble a lot. Just because people think I'm intelligent, loyal, or kind doesn't mean that I deserve to be with a saint. Love is about who you want to be with, not what you deserve. It's about who makes you happy and who you choose to love. If you deserve anything, it's to be with the person you love.

While I still hold quite firmly to that belief, I have come to realize that there are things that people do deserve when it comes to a significant other.

Every girl and every boy, every man and every woman, no matter who they are, what they've been through, or where they are in their life, deserves to be respected, especially by a significant other. You deserve to be happy, to be with the one that you love, but you also deserve to be with someone who respects who you are and how you feel. Respect is important in any relationship.

I spent a year and a half with a boy whom I loved very much. I say boy for a reason, even though he recently turned twenty-one. There was more than one time when he tried to break up with me. His excuses were that I deserved better than him, or I should try to date other people. I didn't believe either of those things. I fought to keep us together because I loved him more than I had ever loved before. I didn't care that we fought all the time. I didn't mind his pig-headed tenacity that caused so many of the fights. I was more than willing to put up with his childish comments and persistent offensive behavior because I loved him. Ultimately, my love for him was all that mattered to me. When he told me that I deserved better than him I disagreed because I believed that I deserved to have the person that I was in love with.

I failed to realize then that I wasn't receiving the respect that I deserved from him. Every time we fought he ended up making empty promises to change. He promised to stop brushing off my complaints - that he was ignoring me, that he wasn't taking me seriously, that he was talking rudely to me - as if they were jokes. He promised to stop swearing at me as much. He promised to stop smacking my butt and grabbing my breasts constantly, though especially in public. In the end, he broke every single one of those promises, and more. In the end, he tossed me to the curb and refused to speak to me, as if all of our problems were my fault. When he ended things I begged him for two weeks to take me back, without even so much as a "no" from him. He ignored every message, every plea. I loved him more than anything or anyone, and he had said that he loved me the same. Then suddenly he turned his back on me. I was lost, confused, and hurt.

At first I thought that I might wait for him to change his mind and come back. Then, when he continued to ignore me (at this point I was trying to get his Sprint account and pin number so I could switch my phone off his plan), I realized that I really did deserve better. Yeah, I loved the guy more than anything in the world. I would have gone to hell and back for him. But I realized that, no matter how much I loved him, he wasn't worth my time anymore. Maybe I did deserve to be with the one I loved, but I did not deserve to be tossed to the curb while he was still claiming that he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. I didn't deserve to be completely ignored by the person I loved so much. Love isn't always worth that kind of pain.

I made a big decision in the third week after he ended things. I decided that I deserved a man, not a boy. I deserved someone who could handle relationship problems maturely and who respected me and my feelings. My ex had stopped showing me respect months before he broke things off. I should have ended things then and there, but I was caught up in wanting something that was less than what I deserved. In a sense, I was settling for the first thing that came along that seemed to satisfy my need to love someone.

The last message (apart from the ones when I was trying to get those damn account numbers!) I sent to him was this: "You were right. I do deserve better. I deserve someone who respects me." After I switched my phone back to my parents' plan I removed his number, deleted him from Facebook, and removed any remaining message threads I had from him. I still think about him every day, and he will always have a place in my heart. But if I had to choose between him and being alone for the rest of eternity, I would choose to be alone. I know that I deserve something better than him, no matter how much I love him.

It's not just about who you love. It's about who loves you enough to treat you with the respect that you deserve.